"Wha...is this an ezine? I thought this was about recipes? I'm so confused...where is my hammer? Who are you people? Oh, no, it's Bryce Hoffman!"
That's probably what you're thinking right now if you're an author of Retardo fiction. Retardo is like Bizarro fiction but it has no soul or purpose, so it has been deprived of the last lingering thread of decency, human warmth or intellect. This is what a lot of people think Bizarro is like. But, Bizarro manages to make a book called Baby Jesus Buttplug terrifying, a book called Assgoblins of Auschwitz thoughtprovoking, a book called The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of Vomit Atmosphere brilliant, sex with houses beautiful and tragic and a Die Hard parody with William Shatner a smart look at identity and celebrity. This is the magic in Bizarro. Without the magic, it becomes...retarded. Retardo fiction reads like it's written by Homsar of Strongbad emails fame with help from a five year old with Tourette's. I've decided that I'm gonna show you Retardo, what it means for literature and how different it really is from Bizarro. I will be accepting Retardo stories from Bizarro authors and posting them here on this blog. The author of the best and most retarded Retardo story wins a copy of Supersucker starring Jeff Daniels. Remember to include plenty of expletives and no depth. Send submissions to thecentercannothold@gmail.com with "Retardo story" in the subject line.
